What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!
If a rooster lays an egg on the middle of a slanted roof, on which side will
it fall?
Neither side. Roosters don't lay eggs!
What did the sick chicken say?
"I have the people-pox!"
Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Comedi-HENS!
What figure is like a lost parrot ?
A polygon!
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark ?
A bird that talks your ear off!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ?
A carrot !
Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken?
Because he was chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off!
Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas ?
Mum: NO! You'll have turkey like everyone else!
Why do hummingbirds hum ?
Because they forgot the words!
What do you get if you cross a canary and a 50-foot long snake ?
A sing-a-long!
Where does a 500 pound canary sit ?
Anywhere it wants!
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't, you get down off a duck!
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend ?
In a HEN-velope!
What does a duck like to eat with soup ?
Quackers!
Why did the owl say, "Tweet, tweet."?
Because she didn't give a hoot!
What books did the owl like?
Hoot-dunits!
What is a chick after she's 6 days old?
Seven days old!
Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?
Because if he lifted that leg off the ground he would fall down !
Where does a peacock go when it loses its tail?
A retail store!
What's yellow, weighs 1,000 pounds, and sings ?
Two 500 pound canaries!
Which side of a parrot has the prettiest feathers ?
The outside!
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment!
What did the 500 pound canary say?
Here Kitty, Kitty !
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
Daffynition: Illegal--a sick bird.
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels !
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up!
What did the duck say after he went shopping?
"Put it on my bill!"
Which animal grows down ?
A duck !
What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?
Why, that's a difference of a pinion!
Did you hear the story about the peacock ?
No, but I heard it's a beautiful tale!
What kind of bird can carry the most weight?
The crane !
What's noisier than a whooping crane ?
A trumpeting swan!
Why do hens lay eggs ?
If they dropped them, they'd break!
What bird is with you at every meal ?
A swallow!
Robert: Did you hear the joke about the broken egg?
Audrey: Yes, it cracked me up!
What's smarter than a talking parrot ?
A spelling bee !
How do chickens bake a cake ?
From scratch!
Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed!
Silly boy: I'd like to buy some bird seed.
Clerk: How many birds do you have?
Silly boy: None! I want to grow some!
What do you call a crate of ducks ?
A box of quackers!
Silly girl: Why does your son say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck".
Mrs. Poulet: Because he thinks he's a chicken .
Silly girl: Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken ?
Mrs. Poulet: Because we need the eggs .
What key won't open any door ?
A turkey!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow ?
Roost beef!
What bird is always sad?
The blue jay !
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the other side!